Monday, May 23, 2005
i feel like marissa.haha.
im sitting at home today
because i have half yearly exams coming up and i have to study instead of going to the athletics carnival.
im so bored my eyeballs hurt.
i swear to god i am marissa from the o.c. sometimes the love drama that i build up just does not stop.ever.
all i want....
make that,
all i need....
is someone who loves me mutually for who i am. not someone who i have to pine over. im so tired of pining and feeling lonely, and feeling jealous, and feeling desperate, feeling unloved, feeling hopeless, powerless, useless.
im over feeling that way. i need to feel real. i need to feel appreciated and loved. its just not coming my way.
i hate it. i hate it all.every single negative feeling that builds up. but i spose that without negative feelings you wouldnt have positive feelings, right? hmm.
i just wish for once in my life that one thing would go my way. one thing would be perfectly timed. one thing would be flawless. its unrealistic but im tired of anxiety.
i need a concert so badly oh my god i need a concert so badly. that euphoric feeling that comes with being free in the mosh pit doing whatever whenever and not caring and just screaming so all the blood in your body rushes to your mouth and you scream for the one you love on stage.
god damn life is fucked up.
Posted at 5:33 am by jessjohn
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Friday, April 08, 2005
iiiiimmmmmmmmmm baaaaaaaaaccccccckkkk.
i know you all missed me soooooooooooo much didnt you?
hahaha i missed you too.
welp im back from a long hibernation with not really any news except....
1. my aunty moved to france
2. i have a new cousin, natalie.
3. i have my braces off yee haa.
4. im in love with someone new.
5. i love third eye blind even more
6. im going to the states in 2 months.
thats around about all.....but im back home from being at grade 11 camp and im so tired but i thought id blog it because i have nothing to do. im so hungry i want lantern palace curry chicken and fried rice so much it hurts. oh yeah.
i still am in love with john mayer oh yeah the other night at camp i got up solo sung your body is a wonderland in front of the whole grade at karaoke.hahahaha i got a standing ovation.you dont understand i like fully became john. i like did that hillbilly leg shaking thing and an air guitar solo and everything. i was on fire.ahhaha.
yeah thats news in my world.
i love you all.
Posted at 7:43 am by jessjohn
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Wednesday, November 03, 2004
have your way here..keep me afloat...coz i know ill sink without you...take this ocean of pain that is mine..throw me a lifeline.
the title is from a brooke fraser song called 'lifeline'...brooke was the supporting new zealand act for john mayer. sic.
anywho....havent updated in a while...not that many would be as disappointed if i hadnt.aw well.
Yeah...im still the same ha!
probably worse!
aw well....im sunburnt on the back of my legs and i cant walk so thats another plus.
i swear something is seriously up with my karma...which is odd i can say after just watching a bunch of teens getting slaughtered (yes ive just watched 'Scream' for the first time.)
but i still can manage to feel sorry for myself.haha.
Has anyone else got any views about Scream? its not the scariest movie ive seen...nor the goriest but its up there. Its so weird how de-senstized we get without realising. Nothing shocks us anymore. Thats kinda sad. We all should have the ability to be shocked! But no...not with all the 24 hour marriages and girl-on-girl kissing thats taken over real talent at the Mtv music awards...and how money means more than passion. Not much i can do. But still....I can Complain! hahaha.
This weekend i am working...going to see a theatre show....going to a party....probably watching the Australian Idol dvd. All the australian idols this year are deadshits..oh my god...seriously crack a joke or complete a sentence or smile for gods sake!
Last year--------------------*sigh* i look on 2003 as the best year of my life.As anyone who reads this often enough would know.....but even though ive been away from my blog for a while...that also means you havent seen some quality lyrics lately! So ill pep you up with an old song...but some good ol' lyrics!
Semi Charmed Life = Third Eye Blind. (Just a preview)
One,
Now you hold me
& we are broken
Still its something i want to do just a little
Feel myself, head made of ground
Im scared
But im not coming down
No,No
Cause i wont run for my life!
Shes got the smile locked jaw in smile
But nothing is alright...
alright......................................................
and for now my lovers....adios.
Posted at 7:49 am by jessjohn
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Sunday, October 24, 2004
if you could see what i see....your the answer to my prayers....
last night i went to my friends 16th.......
it was fun to a point...then they played usher and it just got weird.
I hate alcohol...first it makes you laugh...then it just makes you sad.
oh i have nothing to say in this blog.
Other than....i love curry.
Posted at 9:46 am by jessjohn
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Wednesday, October 20, 2004
nothing i write is ever good enough....these words are my own...from my heart flow....
mmmmmmmm
today i feel the same old thing ive been feeling for nearly a month........
sadness.....
not only that of course....it comes with the cheeseburger that includes
-Sadness
-Regret
-Anger
-Frustration
-Guilt
-Jealousy
with a side of Steaming hot memories.
yep......
I think the weather is depicting how im feeling. i still have this false hope. i will always have it.
Every motherfucker in town is falling in love/lust with someone/thing.
Seems all the rude bitches and sorry bastards are getting their dues while the ones who actually care about people
etc etc....are getting nothing.........SHIT ALL.
all i fucking talk about is how hardly done by i am
but seriously............i am so tired of myself i am so tired of everything.
why does it always rain on me?
what did i do to get this shitty karma loaded upon me?
Blah Blah Blah im boring myself now.
Posted at 6:27 am by jessjohn
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Monday, October 18, 2004
ive been waiting for this for so long...making love until the sun comes up..baby i just wanna take it nice and slow.
Title Posted Date:
so yeah i am listening to 'freak me' music...& lovin it!
Im also at school...which you would be able to tell by the spaced writing.
.....i am still unhappy...and the rain is not helping.
ever since men in black the sequel i have believed that
the i predict the weather...that how i feel will make the weather a certain way.
hahaha i wish.
but i like to think that...hmm maybe i could grow to be a weathergirl.
so...he rang me last night and we were talking for a while
then he started talking about the girlfriend....and i couldnt handle it.
it cut deep.
seriously....soooooo deep.
i couldnt even enjoy the enchiladas i made.
It really made me sad.
I know thats all ive been lately.
Ive grown to learn that many many people only care for themselves.
and no one else.
and theres nothing you can do about it.
But I miss him so much. & music is sorta helping me through but at the same time...
hurting me coz i cant have everything that reminds me of him.
Then again....i dont know if its me or something...he always says how he cant express how
he is feeling....but i get this vibe off him...maybe im thinking it up...but i get this vibe
that he wants to tell me something....but i have no idea what it is.
Seems like all the mean, slutty and rude girls are getting what they want of late.
My so called friend has gone with this girl who is an absolute dickhead
and now is ignoring me
Im so easy to ignore.
Everyone seems to ignore me when they have other things going on...then when they want me...they have me.
It is sooooooo fucked up.
ON A LIGHTER NOTE:
I went to the Black Eyed Peas concert on Sunday nite and it was amazing.
The supporting act was called Resin Dogs followed by a canadian band called swollen member
I caught the lead singers towel when he threw it out.
for those 3 hours i forgot everything.
i jumped and sang and danced and it was great.
The Black Eyed Peas are gods...seriously....they have a power when theyre on stage
and they are great performers.
But yes.....that was a highlight.
Also...on Friday i organised a surprise party for my friend jess and she was so happy.
it felt really good to make her happy.
we blindfolded her and she was freaking out hahahaha.
Then on Saturday my long time friends since birth Dale and Kirsty came up
and as we all played Trivial Pursuit for the rights to make breakfast the next morning.
I forgot everything then as well.
And then everyone had a tea towel whipping fight,..............classy.
I hope everyone is doing well.
Posted at 11:32 pm by jessjohn
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Thursday, October 14, 2004
you so much more...so much more....enduring with the sounds turned off.........
welp.....
theyre together...
he has a girlfriend now....a girlfriend....i have to keep repeating that.
i spose im at a better place with him....she may not stay in his life for long
but ill be there forever.
i just hope theyre not together at the formal. ah god, its all ive been thinking about.....
picture this:
2:30 pm this afternoon i was sitting out the front of the school in the shade
althou it was so hot and the wind was...just thick...and no one was around me...i just finished an exam
and i felt at peace...even though i knew about them...i felt at peace.
"i think ive finally hit rock bottom" as i was saying to my friend bridie today
and i seriously think i have ...i also said to her
" someone hit me with a truck so i can become nothing then start rebuilding"
i dont know................
not much in my life has been going right lately...in my computers exam i was so hot
it was disgustingly hot and all i could think about was them.
how they will love each other.
how i am literally the "girl on the side"...(insert john mayer pun here).....
ive been using this blog to vent alot...alot and im sorry to all that read this because all they are
getting is a big black slap in the face each time they read this.
im becoming too intense.
i still HATE my bedspread....its mocking me.
and i have organised a surprise party with madeline for jess. she will be so happy.
thats all i want.
seems as though i have ALOT of bad karma and then a little bit of good karma followed
by EVEN MORE bad karma.
my karma is shot.
all i had in my head were the songs by incubus "beware!criminal" and the song i dont know who its by
but it goes:
" why does it always rain on me? is it because i lied when i was 17? why does it always rain on me? even when the sun is shining i cant avoid the lightning"
and i was walking up my street listening to audioslave and i felt invincible
wind was blowing all around me yet i didnt feel it
i felt untouchable.
so tired.
Posted at 11:04 am by jessjohn
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